


Pain Without Love

by WinterFang



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Comfort/Angst, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Music, Knives, Other, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-01
Updated: 2015-01-01
Packaged: 2018-03-04 17:05:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3075077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterFang/pseuds/WinterFang
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Roy actually feels pleasure from this, from hurting himself. From seeing himself destroy his body.<br/>It is about time somebody found out, some one needs too, or else it'll be too late for Roy...</p><p>Will Oliver come and save him in time?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pain Without Love

**Author's Note:**

> *THIS HAS ALOT OF ANGST AND SELF-HARM, I SUGGEST NOT READING IT IF YOU ARE TOUCHY ABOUT THIS STUFF.*
> 
> Inspired by ~ Pain - Three Days Grace.
> 
> Ugh, stupid song. My mind wouldn't leave me alone, and so I wrote this.  
> Happy New Year and I will hopefully have the next chapter up in Remade soon.

He has a problem.

He never thought he'd admit it, but he does.  
He is addicted to pain. He enjoys feeling pain, sometimes it feels like pleasure to him.

But it isn't, he enjoys seeing the blood run down his wrists, down his stomach. He enjoys smelling the burnt flesh, the horrible sting that it brings.  
He likes to feel the burn of the rope around his neck, he likes gasping for air after keeping his head underwater for a long time...  
But he can never bring himself to do it, to kill himself. It isn't depression, he knows it's not depression.

He feels happy around his friends, happy around Thea. He loves it when her fingers trail over the bruises from the fights, the burn marks he inflicted upon himself, and the disappearing scars on his wrist, arms and shoulders.  
He never allows her to take his shirt off, he always pulls away at the last second.

He still has to be Arsenal, he still has to keep the city safe... but does the city really need him?  
I mean, they have Oliver-...Arrow.  
Seriously, what was he good for? Oliver only told him because he constantly followed him and begged him to tell him who he was, but now that he knew... now that he was training with him...

He wasn't sure if he wanted to be apart of the Arrow Team anymore, but would he have to? Would Oliver make him stay because he knew his identity?

~

Roy didn't know, he would never know until he asked Oliver...

~  
~

One day, Roy came way too close.  
Thea found out, he didn't want her to. He never wanted her to find out he was hurting himself, then she would yell at him, or tell Oliver or make him go to a psychologist to figure out why he hurt himself. Honestly, he didn't know why he did it, maybe it was just for the burn, the excitement, the enjoyment he felt when doing it...

-  
Thea's lips attached to Roy's neck, right below the rope burns. He didn't know she was that close, he was too caught up in grinding against her. His hands squeezing her hips as he moaned out her name, Thea lightly nipped along his skin, earning another moan from him.

He felt her smirk on his skin as her hands trailed up his chest, he pushed harder into her, letting out short gasps of air from the pleasure.  
"Roy, I want to do this." She said, pulling her lips away from his skin. Her legs hung on either side of his hips, he placed his hands on the small of her back as he looked down at her.

"On the desk?" He asked, they were in the Verdant, it had been a rough night and no one was here. And then Thea had taken her chance and pulled Roy into her office, things had gotten pretty heated after that and now she was sitting on her desk with Roy in between her legs.

Oh, and believe him, he wanted to fuck her right here and now, but he didn't want her to see his skin.  
She groaned at him, "I don't care where it is, I just want you."  
He grinded against her, "Then you got me."

.  
She grinned and reattached her lips, Roy just slipped his hands under her shirt and felt her warm skin.  
Then, a large jolt of pain made him jerk away from her, a faint hiss escaping his lips.  
"Roy!" Thea said, shocked as she touched her lips. She probably felt the burn on his neck, the skin had just started peeled off. He had managed to hide the redness with his usual red hoodie, luckily it worked for him and no one suspected a thing.

But it had started to fade and now only there was the feeling of his skin there and Thea had just now felt it with her lips, it hurt. The gentle touch to his skin, it shouldn't hurt, but it did.

"How the hell did that happen?" She asked, anger and curiosity laced through her voice.  
Roy sighed and touched the back of his neck, flinching in pain as he felt it. What was going on? This doesn't normally happen, he was usually numb to the pain.

And before Roy could react, Thea came up to him and grabbed his shirt, she hiked it up high.  
Roy flinched as the cool air his fresh burn marks from the matches he used to light his fireplace with, the rest of the cuts were gone, but the memory was still there.  
Thea took in a sharp breath, "Roy..." she whispered, touching one of the marks.  
He flinched away from her, making her drop his shirt. He needed to leave, to go back to his house and inflict more damage.

"Thea, I need to go. I'll see you later." He said, pulling on his jacket, avoiding eye contact with her.  
"No, Roy." She said, grabbing onto his arm with an incredibly strong grip. He cringed as she turned him around to face her, her face was a mix of pain, worry and anger.

"What is all of this? Did you get taken? Was someone hurting you?" She asked, her eyes just worried now.  
Roy shook his head, "No, no, no... Thea..." He sighed upon seeing the tears gathering at the corners of her eyes.  
"Who did this to you?" She whispered softly.

"It doesn't matter, Thea!" He said, looking up at the ceiling, he then looked down at her. She looked horrified as she started at her boyfriend, he turned away from her and started to walk away. He wasn't doing this.

~  
~

As soon as Roy got home, he went right over to his drawer, where he kept all of his knives, matches, ropes, razors, electric arrows and Vertigo.  
The Vertigo was practically gone, he used it almost every night. It got his head spinning, his worst fears out and his heart racing. And luckily for him, the crime rate dropped dramatically and he didn't have to go out with Oliver anymore...

He scanned over the weapons and chose the electric arrow, he had taken it from his own quiver, Oliver had wondered where it was. But Roy could never provide him an answer.

Roy sighed and flicked it on, then, he held it to his arm...

~  
~  
~

"Oliver," Thea looked around before inching closer to her older brother, "I think Roy is hurting himself."  
Oliver gave her a face, he was back at the mansion for a little bit, he needed to get one of his suits for a meeting at Queen Consolidated. Felicity was going to be there, some other rich important people that Oliver couldn't give a damn about.

And upon hearing that Thea think Roy is hurting himself, just made him stop moving all together. He looked down at his sister and scoffed, "Why would he do that? He isn't depressed, nothing bad has happened to him. So why would he need a reason to hurt himself?" He asked, but deep down, Oliver had a funny feeling come to him. What if he is really doing that?  
And if he was, why?

"Oliver, this is serious." She said, glaring at him.  
"And it's the first time you used my real name in a while." He said with a smile, just trying to lighten the mood a bit.  
"I touched his neck last night and felt rope burn, it was there but not all the way. Then I looked under his shirt and found burn marks, from a match. And he said that it didn't matter who did it to him... Oliver, please go talk to him..." she said, Thea rubbed her bare arms.

Oliver looked into her eyes and saw she was truly concerned about him, he sighed, "Alright, Speedy. I'll talk to him." Oliver said, wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close for a hug.

He let her go then went on his way, that talk had really disturbed him. He would have a little talk with Roy later, when he got back to the Arrowcave...

~  
~  
~

Roy settled himself down on the training mat, the dull thumping of the music was heard from the Verdant next door. That's right, Roy wasn't in the Arrowcave, he was in another small warehouse next to it. He had made it his own little training thing when he wanted to be alone, this was one of those nights...

But he had no intentions of training, he wanted to use his knife...

~

"Roy, I need to talk..." Oliver trailed off as he came to the bottom of the stairs, he looked around the basement, only seeing Felicity and Diggle. Roy was nowhere to be found, his suit and bow remained on the stand.  
"Where is Roy?" Oliver asked, pulling Felicity away from the computer and Diggle away from his book.

"Uhh, he never came in tonight, why?" Felicity asked, then she saw Oliver's concerned face, "I'll get right on that." She said, doing the silent thing Oliver requested.  
Diggle looked between them, it was weird that they could do that. Like they had some kind of telepathy connection, he put his book down and looked at Oliver, "What's going on Oliver?"

Oliver took in a deep breath, "Thea thinks Roy is hurting himself with matches. She thinks he is trying to kill himself, by burning his skin. And hanging himself." Oliver heaved out a sigh as he finished, the horrible feeling in his gut grew. Like he knew something was up, it just felt as if he was going to puke at any second.

Felicity's hacking into Roy's phone stopped, her breath caught as she heard that. Diggle frowned and straightened himself up in his chair, Oliver looked away, "Felicity please find him, I-I just want to make sure he is okay..."

Felicity nodded and turned back to the task, no one said anything after that. Oliver just wanted to make sure it wasn't real, because if he was... He had no idea what he'd do, Roy was just too precious to him. He couldn't lose him, not like how he lost Tommy...

~  
~

Tears streamed down his face.  
They were hot, running quickly down his cheeks, dripping down on the floor right next to the steadily growing pool of blood...

He held his wrist tight, the pain was overwhelming, it hurt so much and he just wanted it to stop. Just wanted it to go away.

The tears continued to fall down, the red was growing faster and he had never seen that much blood in his life, he needed Oliver. He needed Oliver to save him, like he did a year ago...  
But this time, Oliver wasn't coming...  
He would bleed out before anyone came, and the pain was just too much. He couldn't move, could hardly breathe.  
Roy slowly hung his head down, the blood still trickling down. He had only scratched his wrists before, he never went this deep.  
Never cut the major vein in his wrist, he didn't think he cut that deep. He never cut that deep.

But as soon as he did it, he realized his mistake and tried to stop it, but he couldn't. The blood just kept coming...

The door broke open, Roy looked up from holding his wrist, his eyes filled with tears and pain, there was Oliver.  
All suited up, his blue eyes wide at Roy's horrible state, "Please, help." He said softly, he couldn't stand the pain in Oliver's eyes, the horrified look he gave him.  
But in an instant, he was by Roy's side. He stopped the younger man up in his arms, holding him tight as Roy started to cry, his blood and tears spreading on his leather jerkin.  
"Shh, shh. It's okay, Roy. I got you." Oliver whispered, trying to sooth him. But sobs continued to wrack his body, he couldn't control it. He just needed to let go...

~  
~  
~

Roy woke a couple hours later in the Arrowcave with Felicity and John hovering over him, concern clear on their face. He looked around and saw a blood bag hanging up beside him, it was almost half gone, he followed the tube and found it in his arm. In his left one, the cut all sowed up.

He breathed a sigh of relief, he was still alive... because Oliver saved him.  
Felicity and John backed off as Oliver's face came into view, his face relaxed out of the stressful look he used to have.  
"Roy..." He said softly as a gloved hand came up to touch his cheek, Roy nuzzled into it.  
"Never abandon me." Roy said softly.  
"Never." Oliver repeated.  
"Always be my savior."  
"Always."  
"Be there for me all the time."  
"All the time, Roy. I will always be there to save you..." Oliver said as Roy closed his eyes to go to sleep, a smile was stuck on his face and he knew he could over come this...

He thought all he wanted was pain, but deep down, all he wanted was someone to save him...

**Author's Note:**

> Pain ~ Three Days Grace  
> Bring Me To Life ~ Evanescence
> 
> So the ending of the story is Roy had no idea why he was hurting himself and why he kept doing it, he didn't want anyone to find out so he hid.  
> But someone did find out, the one person he always wanted to find out.   
> Oliver Queen, he wanted his hero to come and save him again, and he did. That is all Roy wanted, to be saved and comforted.


End file.
